"One day you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations. You may out smart someone."

7G02 - Bart the Genius

"Dammit, I'm no supervising technician. I'm a technical supervisor. It's too late to teach this old dog new tricks."

7G03 - Homer's Odyssey

"Our lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I. Many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I've worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again and I say this stinks."

7G03 - Homer's Odyssey

"You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said 'Homer, you're a big disappointment' and, God bless her soul, she was really onto something."

7G04 - There's No Disgrace Like Home

"You're everywhere. You're omnivorous."

7G04 - There's No Disgrace Like Home

"As far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family."

7G04 - There's No Disgrace Like Home

"The code of the schoolyard Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man! Let's see; don't tattle, always make fun of those different from you, never say anything unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do."

7G05 - Bart the General

"Wait a minute. It's the guy from TV. My kid's hero...Cruddy...Crummy...Krusty the Clown!"

7G12 - Krusty Gets Busted

"See these? American donuts. Glazed, powered, and raspberry-filled. Now, how's that for freedom of choice."

7G13 - The Crepes of Wrath

"The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'Cover for me'. Number two, 'Oh, good idea boss'. Number three, 'It was like that when I got here'."

7G07 - One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish

"Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It gives me the right - no, the duty - to make a complete ass of myself."

7F05 - Dancin' Homer

"That shot is impossible! Jack Nicholson himself couldn't make it!"

7G12 - Dead Putting Society

"Hello?! Operator! Give me the number for 9-1-1!"

7F07 - Bart vs. Thanksgiving

"D'oh! English! Who needs that? I'm never going to England."

7F12 - The Way We Was

"You know that little ball you put on the aerial so you can find your car in the parking lot. That should be on every car."

7F16 - Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

"Quiet, you kids! If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons and Lisa doesn't get to go to college."

7F16 - Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

"Two-hundred-thirty-nine pounds! I'm a blimp! Why are all the good things so tasty?"

7F18 - Brush With Greatness

"Out at five, catch General Sherman at five-thirty, clean him at six, eat him at six-thirty, back in bed by seven with no incriminating evidence. Heh heh heh. The perfect crime."

7F20 - The War of the Simpsons

"Marge, you're my wife and I love you very much. But you're living in a world of make-believe. With flowers and bells and leprechauns. And magic frogs with funny little hats..."

7F22 - Blood Feud

"I don't care if Ned Flanders is the nicest guy in the world. He's a jerk - end of story."

7F23 - When Flanders Failed

"Oh, I love your magazine. My favourite section is 'How to increase your word power'. That thing is really, really, really... good."

8F01 - Mr Lisa Goes To Washington

"I wish for a turkey sandwich on rye bread with lettuce and mustard. And...and I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises...you got that?"

8F02 - Treehouse of Horror II

"Well, you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right button."

8F04 - Homer Defined

"I'll work from midnight to eight, come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep six more minutes, shower, then I have ten minutes to bask in Lisa's love, then I'm off to the power plant fresh as a daisy."

8F06 - Lisa's Pony

"If there was any justice, my face would be on a bunch of crappy merchandise!"

8F08 - Flaming Moe's

"Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man, from Happy Land, living in a gumdrop house on lollipop lane! Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic."

8F08 - Flaming Moe's

"I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically we become a family of travelling acrobats."

8F17 - Dog of Death

"If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing."

8F21 - The Otto Show

"There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service. But those were all dead ends. I think this chair is the answer."

8F23 - Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?

"Hey, what's the big deal about going to some building every Sunday? I mean, isn't God everywhere?"

9F01 - Homer the Heretic

"If you're going to get mad at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things!"

9F07 - Mr Plow

"Ah, sweet pity: where would my love life have been without it?"

9F13 - I Love Lisa

"Oh Lisa, you and your stories. 'Bart is a vampire'. 'Beer kills brain cells'. Now let's go back to that...building...thingee...where our beds and TV ...is"

3F04 - Treehouse of Horror IV

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... Except the weasel."

1F06 - Boy-Scoutz N The Hood

"So, Mr Molloy, it seems that the cat has been caught by the very person who was trying to catch him."

1F09 - Homer the Vigilante

"Aw Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless."

1F09 - Homer the Vigilante

"Asleep at the switch! I wasn't asleep! I was drunk!"

1F09 - Homer the Vigilante

"Oh, Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes."

1F09 - Homer the Vigilante

"If it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead."

1F10 - Homer and Apu

"De-fault! The two sweetest words in the English language."

1F13 - Deep Space Homer

"The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes...Wait a minute, Statue of Liberty - that was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!"

1F13 - Deep Space Homer

"When you take part in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."

1F15 - Bart Gets an Elephant

"Everytime I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my head! Like that time I took a wine tasting course, and after, I couldn't remember how to drive."

1F20 - Secrets of a Successful Marriage

"Well let's just call them, uh, Mr X and Mrs Y. So anyway, Mr X would say 'Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J Simpsons.'"

1F20 - Secrets of a Successful Marriage

"Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied, so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use."

1F21 - Lady Bouvier's Lover

"I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all! The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musky odours - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called 'City Fathers' who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about 'What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?'"

1F17 - Lisa's Rival

"If the Bible has taught us noting else - and it hasn't - it's that girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

2F05 - Lisa On Ice

"Boy, when Marge first told me she was going to the Police Academy, I thought it'd be fun and exciting, you know, like the movie 'Spaceballs'. But instead, it's been painful and disturbing, like the movie 'Police Academy'"

2F21 - The Springfield Connection

"Okay, don't panic. To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders! - I'm a big four-eyed lame-o and I wear the same stupid sweater everyday and... The Springfield River!"

3F01 - Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily

"First Bush invades my turf, then he takes my pals, then he makes fun of the way I talk - probably - now he steals my right to raise a disobedient, smart-alecky son! Well, that's it!"

3F09 - Two Bad Neighbours

"I'm tired of being a wanna-be league bowler, I wanna be a league bowler!"

3F10 - Team Homer

"Second class? What about Social Security, bus discounts, Medic-Alert jewelry, Gold Bond powder, pants all the way up to your armpits, and all those other senior perks? Oh, if you ask me, old folks have it pretty sweet."

3F19 - Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in

"I used to rock and roll all night and party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky. I've got to get out of this rut and back into the groove!"

3F21 - Homerpalooza

"Oh, honey, I didn't get drunk, I just went to a strange fantasy world."

3F24 - El Viaje Misterioso De Nuestro Jomer

"Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them."

4F02 - Treehouse of Horror VII

"Where is Bart, anyway? His dinner's getting all cold and eaten."

4F06 - Bart After Dark

"Your mother seems really upset. I better go have a talk with her - during the commercial."

3G03 - Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(annoyed grunt)cious

"I don't know, Marge. Trying is the first step towards failure."

5F06 - Realty Bites

"I never apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am."

5F09 - Trash of the Titans